Merit badges they don't teach in the Boy Scout Manual

Yes. I was once a Boy Scout. And at the time, merit badges were almost as cool as Pokemon badges.

There's a merit badge for just about everything: Swimming, orienteering, emergency preparedness, fishing, knot-tying, you name it.

But what about all those merit badges you can't name? Don't worry, I named them for you:

The “MacGyver” Badge:

Awarded to Scouts with killer instinct and creativity. For those who can fashion a spear out of any stick, a whip out of any vine, and a bludgeon out of any pinecone.

The “Mooch” Badge:

Given to the Scout who is forever unprepared. Criteria include bumming snacks, sunscreen and socks off other Scouts and never realizing just how fucking annoying that is. 

The “Leafy Improviser” Badge:

Exclusive to Scouts that demonstrate innovation and a sense of adventure. Requirements include using a leaf from a live plant and not getting poison ivy in your crack.

The “World is my Sandbox” Badge

Awarded to Scouts that abandon the luxury of indoor plumbing and become one with nature. A prerequisite to the “Leafy Improviser” badge.

The “Snitch Without a Stitch” Badge:

Awarded to the stealthiest tattletale Scout. Requirements include ratting on fellow Scouts, but never letting them find out who the rat is. 

The “Shut Up or I'll Tell My Dad” Badge:

Bestowed upon the Scout whose father is the short-shorts-wearing Scoutmaster. Criteria include being an entitled little shit and getting away with everything.

The “Our Little Secret” Badge:

Granted to the Scout who has been selected to work the tool that jeopardizes the Scoutmaster’s integrity, career and marriage.