1. 9th inning, Jeter can’t find socks
2. Dyslexic man gets car in ass
3. Black plague wipes out alt-white
4. Man plays with fire, pees bed
5. Dreamt about it. Then did it.
6. Dinner and a Movie: Execution Edition
7. Breaking News: Giant llamas. Loogies everywhere.
8. Taylor Swift confesses: “I’m the worst”
9. 2016: Biggie dead of heart disease
10. Frank Ocean drowns under crowd surf
11. It's benign! Wait, wrong file. Sorry.
12. Champion jockey swallows Pride, crowd vomits
13. Pull door sick of being pushed
14. Serial killer rehabilitated in cereal factory
15. Winter cancelled after one trillion seasons
16. Heroin wins the war on drugs
17. Study reveals: Researchers missed important details
18. Cancer cures itself, scientific community jealous
19. "Fuck this," said the hungry vegan.
20. Scooby Doo: “Ry Rattle Rith Rulimia”
21. “Somebody better cut my hotdog” - Trump
22. The closest bathroom was too far
23. Great White banned from poker tourney
24. Nonconformist kitten poops outside the box
25. Puberty: Where nightmares meet wet dreams
26. New puppy digs up former pet
27. Trophy wife shot, stuffed and mounted
28. Wheelchair basketball star nails 360 dunk
29. Woolly Mammoth revived, immediately has diarrhea
30. Self-destructing in 3, 2, 1...
31. We used syrup instead of lube
32. Stairway to heaven - slippery when wet
33. Torched haystack. Found needle. Problem solved.
34. “Joining the president is her wife…”
35. One baby to another: “You're adopted.”
36. Pro life. Pro choice. Pro lobbyist.
37. My Mom proudly displayed Dad's body
38. Texas demographics: 95% homophobic, 8% gay
39. Monday morning: Phone, keys, wallet, shotgun.
40. “Cut the blue wire,” he lied.
41. Born a twin; graduated only child.
42. Open casket funeral. Open bar, too.
43. I woke up during the autopsy…
44. Student as think as she drunks
45. Floating body saves family from drowning
46. STEM students stop fellating, start membraning
47. They both swiped right. Now what?
48. Local man’s epitaph: Hold my beer.
49. Community swear jar runneth fucking over
50. Bull in china shop suprisingly gentle
51. Pig and spider somehow now BFFs
52. Tom catches Jerry, apologizes for everything
53. Local man’s girlfriend charges him hourly
54. Paper boy evolves into paper man
55. If you have it… do I?
56. Turns out carbon monoxide doesn’t smell
57. Woman marries mannequin, pregnant with mannekids
58. Day 14: Eclipse still in progress…
59. Staring contest interrupted by passing train
60. Grandma hosted elderly orgy. Nobody came.
61. “Curiosity again,” declared the kitten coroner.
62. Hand job. Blow job. Day job.
63. 5 billion euthanized, climate change reversed
64. My suicide post got 22 likes
65. Cute Christian girl looking for same
66. Zoo elephant never sober, always forgets