Merit badges they don't teach in the Boy Scout Manual

Yes. I was once a Boy Scout. At the time, merit badges were almost as cool as Pokemon badges. Almost.

There's a merit badge for just about everything. But what about all the ones you can't name? Don't worry, I gotchu.

The “MacGyver” Badge:

Awarded to Scouts with killer instinct and creativity. For those who can fashion a spear out of any stick, a whip out of any vine, or a bludgeon out of any pinecone.

The “Mooch” Badge:

Given to the Scout who is forever unprepared. Criteria include bumming snacks, sunscreen and socks off other Scouts and never realizing just how fucking annoying they are.

The “Leafy Improviser” Badge:

Exclusive to Scouts that demonstrate innovation and a sense of adventure. Requirements include using a leaf from a live plant and not getting poison ivy in your ass.

The “World is my Sandbox” Badge

Awarded to Scouts that abandon the luxury of indoor plumbing and become one with nature. A prerequisite to the “Leafy Improviser” badge.

The “Snitch Without a Stitch” Badge:

Awarded to the stealthiest tattletale Scout. Requirements include ratting on fellow Scouts, but somehow always getting away with it.

The “Shut Up or I'll Tell My Dad” Badge:

Bestowed upon the Scout whose father is the short-shorts-wearing Scoutmaster. Criteria include being an entitled little shit and a giant wuss.

The “Our Little Secret” Badge:

Granted to the Scout who has been selected to work the tool that could jeopardize the Scoutmaster’s integrity, career and marriage.